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prolecto ☁ app
name: Phil
age: 20
timezone: GMT+1 (Germany)
journal or handle name: spacebutt
methods of contact: (plurk) boopityboop
characters you currently play: n/a
CHARACTER INFO.
↪ basic.
character name: John Egbert
character age: 13
aging up?: Aged up to 18
canon: Homestuck
canon point: Act 6
↪ depth.
history: John's in-depth history can be found here.
personality:
"I'm reasonably convinced of this much. When the Hero of Breath dies for good, it won't be as a scoundrel."
John is kind of a huge, excitable goofball. Jokes are pretty much what he's about and he's also got a really lame sense of humour but it's endearing rather than annoying. He considers himself the pranking MASTER, but his pranks are never malicious, if a little culturally insensitive at times.
He can be super insensitive sometimes, bordering on douchebagginess. He doesn't hesitate in telling people exactly what he thinks, even if it means taking a dump all over their interests or cracking jokes about someone's disability. However, it's not out of cruelty, but rather thoughtlessness and a mouth far too big for his face. When someone calls him out on it, he usually apologises. (Albeit clumsy and all over the place.)
John is by no means an idiot. If anything, considering that he was the most 'normal' out of the four kids pre-SBURB, John is the one who has had to adapt and learn how to survive the fastest, without become jaded or losing his chipper personality. He gets seldom overwhelmed or freaked out by what's going on. (He responds to seeing a shale imp for the first time with oh my god it's a monster, which is probably the chillest way a thirteen-year-old could greet a shale imp ever. He is and remains ridiculously optimistic and easy-going throughout the adventure, even managing to keep it relatively together when he discovers Dad and Rose's Mom slain by Jack Noir. (Unlike Rose, who immediately went Grimdark.) The only time he's seen to get angry is when he finds imps dicking about his room, which Hussie plays for laughs. Rose neatly wraps this up as she is wont to do:
TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is a defect not everyone is lucky enough to be cursed with.
EB: that's stupid.
EB: i'm not your leader, i am your FRIEND, there is a BIG difference!
TT: Statements like that are also why you're our leader.
Right. The leader thing. John is SUCH a dad, and he continuously adopts beings along the way. This might be due to his insistence on acting out the final scene of Con Air whenever the chance rears its filthy, wife-beater'd head, but it could also stem from his good relationship with his own father. (Despite all the baked goods!) But even with his parental nature, John doesn't consider himself a leader. He instead takes the name of FRIENDLEADER, who only makes FRIENDLY REQUESTS as opposed to orders. He would never consider himself above anyone, because he just sees himself as a normal guy. But John's self-confidence is another matter. The graffiti and scribblings on his wall and in his dream self's bedroom (a reflection of the kid's mind) suggest that he has some issues concerning his self-esteem, possibly through comparing himself to Rose and Dave (her being more intelligent and him being cooler) or maybe influenced by Gamzee's chucklevodoo harlequin implanted in his dreams. (That sure looks like one restless sleep.)
He doesn't seem to mind going along with other people's plans, unless he thinks someone's trying to oneup him (his prankster's gambit is serious business!) - in that case all a sudden hes a tough nut to crack go figure. His willingness to follow shows that he trusts easily, sometimes to a fault, but most of the time this has worked out in his favour, so yeah, trust all around! The whole getting-killed-by-Terezi debacle also proves his capacity for forgiveness as he's pretty sure that she is sorry about it, and his willingness to just forget about it pisses Karkat off to no end. (OH GOD, YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT?)
Okay, so far, John sounds just sounds like a cute, doop bloop derp, harmless kid who's waddling around the Incisphere, like this naive guy like pinocchio tumbled ass backwards off the turnip truck and started liking ghostbusters. Nope! Well, yes, but John is definitely not harmless. He sets his strife specibus to hammers early in the comic, which sound like the lamest thing until he alchemizes pieces of goddamn art such as the THE WRINKLEFUCKER and POGO HAMMER. The WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO gets its own theme song. His ridiculous weapons demonstrate two of his strengths: his creativity (have you SEEN what he comes up with when he messes with the Alchemiter?) and fondness for brute power. Add the hurricane powers that come with reaching God Tier and you get someone able to create tornadoes of freaking lava.
BASICALLY what I'm trying to say in a needlessly long and convoluted manner is that John is a massive dork with a heart of pure gold and optimism and can be kind of weird and lame sometimes. Hussie even admitted it on his Formspring: "John is adorable because he is honest and heroic and nerdy and a good friend."I mean, just stinking look at him. LOOK.
abilities:
- Physical: (Bear in mind that this is 18 year old John we're dealing with here) Fanon dictates that John has strong arms from waving those hammers around. I'd say that youngadult!John would be able to hold his own in a punch up or wrestling match.
- Windy thing: God Tier not only allocates players with a sweet set of new jammies, but magic powers! Being the Heir of Breath grants him control over wind, temperature and cloud. Whether his powers of flight are due to being a God (the other kids can fly as well) or the Breeze is unclear. He is also immortal - kinda. Granted that John doesn't sacrifice himself for some greater good or do something so repugnant that his death is actually justified. It's still unclear what function the class of Heir has and whether it is a passive/active class.
- Misc: Piano I guess! His other interests include movies (both shit and not-shit), magic tricks and paranormal stuff. He's also an amateur computer program writer - but not very good at it.
weaknesses:
- Concentration span! He has none! John gets sidetracked constantly and doesn't seem to have a strong sense of priority.
- John's trust is too easily earned! Trusting Courtyard Droll with the Tumour delivery mission, for example, turned out to be a bad move (even though Liv was able to retrieve the captchalogue card before he made his getaway).
- Blabbermouth. I think John's the type who'd be awful with secrets or sensitive information, unless expressively and explicitly forbidden from blabbing. The brain-mouth filter is weak with this one.
- John's reactions to the heavy stuff (death, Vriska having killed thousands of trolls, the fact that if it weren't for Davesprite he'd have died, etc) isn't always appropriate. Similarly, his reaction to the not-so-heavy stuff (his posters being defaced, looking into his dad's room for the first time) is often a lot more dramatic. In his letter to those asteroidstuck in Act 6, he writes, 'it was a fun adventure we had today, wasn't it?'A fun adventure. John come on!
other information:
On aging up: Before finding himself in Prolecto, John will have spent three years on the ship in between sessions with Jade, Davesprite, Nannasprite, as well as the population of five planets. What they spend the three years doing isn't yet known, but John won't just get taller and smellier. These will be his pubescent years, which are naturally very important for the foundation of his adult personality and character. It's a good thing he has guidance in the form of Nanna, otherwise he'd have found the three years with the responsibility of unofficial leader friendleader very stressful. I'm working with the assumption that he can visit the other planets thanks to Jade's embiggening and shrinkage powers - so he definitely won't be bored!
At the age of 13, John is the shortest of the kids, but looking at the, uh, stuffed body of Poppop Crocker, John will probably grow to be quite a tall fella. Dad has a slim physique, so John will probably end up leaner rather than stumpy as well. At Davesprite's insistance, they strife frequently in preparation for whatever they'll find through the fenestrated wall at the end of the three year trip, so John's fitness will improve. (He has to remember to run instead of fly sometimes though!)
His relationship with the other kids will evolve as well. John will finish the journey closer to both Jade and Davesprite. John and Jade's bond will really become one of true family, as opposed to super close internet friends. Although sometimes silly, Jade tempers John's dumber moments and probably will end up acting as the mediator between him and Davesprite. Through his thoughtless blabbermouthing again, Davesprite and John get off to a rocky start (Davesprite's too cool to let it bother him for long though) but I'd imagine that he'd only be able to take so much of John implying that he's not 'real' or comparing him to Alpha Dave before he justifiably flips his shit. But three years is a long time and in that time, John would (with Nanna's nudges and Jade's shoves in the right direction) become more sensitive to that sort of thing. He's kind of nervous about meeting 'other Dave' now, but decides to deal with it when it happens and John was really looking forward to seeing Rose and Karkat and Vriska -
But then they burst through the fourth wall and John finds himself in Prolecto, with no idea where the others are or if this is where he's meant to be at all!
↪ samples.
first person sample:
hey guys!!! (you know who you are hehe)
before karkat flips his shit about me opening a memo, i just want to say that this is in no way a leader thing and that i'm not taking over as king rumpypumpy butthole or whatever it was.
it's just...
well, it's been a couple days now and i still haven't seen anyone i know here!
so i thought that maybe this was the best way to get the message out there.
we've got a cool new city to explore together and loads of people to meet.
there's got to be a reason why we're here.
anyway, gonna wrap this up now.
we'll meet up soon!
john out.
ectoBiologist [EB] left memo.
[ He logs out and closes his laptop. He knows that if he doesn't find something else to do right now, he'll spend the rest of the day refreshing his browser, hoping for replies.
John'll get an answer soon. He's sure of it. ]
third person sample:
For the first time in his life, John has a job. Like a real, honest-to-god job. Okay, sure, it's just delivering post and packages, but it's a job. John rocked back and forth on his heels excitedly, waiting for his first assignment of the day. His boss, a gruff, ill-tempered middle-aged man, had hired him on the spot after John had passed the test of delivering an envelope of what suspiciously felt like a massive wad of cash to a neighbouring building. (Apparently every other candidate had ripped the hefty envelope open once they were out of sight, only to be greeted with hundreds of bill-sized pieces of paper with YOU FAIL YOU FAIL YOU FAIL scrawled on them.) John's envelope arrived at its destination unopened and unmolested and its recipient was shocked. His boss must think him either stupid or naive.
John's not the only courier, but he's the earliest so he's the only one in the office when his boss bursts in, face a beetroot red and eyes wide and popping. "Boy!" he barks and John stands straight. "Are you the only one here!"
"Uh, yes sir. I think so?"
His boss groans and rubs his forehead with a meaty hand. "Great. Just great. Well, fine. You'll have to do. A package has just come in for Lucas Baali. High priority."
John's own eyes go wide. He'd only been there for a week, maybe two, and even he knew who that was. "The mayor! Really?"
"Don't waste time with stupid questions." His boss produces a manila folder and CONFIDENTIAL is stamped across the lip of it in bright red letters and he shoves it to John's chest. "Get this to Asmos. What are you waiting for! GO."
Asking where exactly to deliver it, and who 'Asmos' was exactly didn't cross John's mind as he ran out of the building. It was still early, almost 6:45, and the morning smog was still thick so John didn't bother with finding a discrete location to take off from. (Flying made getting around the city so much easier, but John didn't want to attract the wrong sort of attention.)
'I guess he'd be at the city hall. Duh,' John thought, rising through the cloud and trying to orientate himself. He had spent the previous night studying the map he received on arrival here and flew various routes under the cover of night. The city hall was somewhere near the center of Windsor Boulevard, which was a little way from where John was in Victoria Square. He'd just have to remember to avoid the high, mostly glass buildings of George Crescent and he'd be golden. Then when John got there, he could always ask who Asmos was and then give him the envelope. Yes. Good plan. Best plan.
That is, if it weren't for a sudden, unexpected gust of wind over the city park and John's foolishly loose hold on the documents. "Damn it!" he cursed as he swooped down to chase after the falling folder. Some Heir of Breath he was! It swiftly fell into the mist and out of John's line of vision and there was a very disconcerting splish sound.
"Oh shit."
Yep, there was the lake. And there was the manila folder, softly sinking into the water. John frantically tried to rescue it, but the damage was done. The paper was sodden and the ink smeared and oh shit oh shit oh shit.
'What do I doooooooo?' he thought, hovering above the water, ruined envelope gripped in his hands. He could go back, 'fess up, get fired on his first day. Or go straight to the city hall to tell them that they'd have to ask the sender to resend and ughhh of course this had to happen!
"Or you could lie."
John started and nearly dropped the envelope. There was a well-dressed man, sitting on a bench by the edge of the water. He had a bag of bread with him and was in the middle of feeding the ducks. He had a kindly, almost amused, look on his face and John was sure he's seen him somewhere before. TV? Posters? He can't remember. The man dusted his hands of any last crumbs.
"Excuse me?"
"Just lie. No one's to know."
"I can't just- I can't-"
"Oh come now, boy," the man said, and it's different from how John's boss says 'boy', comforting and friendly. "It'll be alright."
To John's horror, he actually considered it and a fabricated story wove itself before him. I got to the city hall. I gave the envelope to the receptionist who promised it would get to Mr. Asmos. Anything that would have happened to it after that cannot be blamed on me.
"But what if they ask the receptionist!?" John asked and the desperation in his own voice surprised him. "They'll say they didn't see me at all!"
The man shrugged. "You could threaten or bribe them."
John balks and the desire to lie disappears into the mist around them. "What!" he squawks but the man laughs at his indignation.
"Just kidding. You wouldn't have to speak to anybody actually! Just say you put it into Edward Asmos' pigeon hole. It's accessible to postal workers such as yourself and you can blame the folder's unfortunate disappearance on the new team of hopeless secretaries we have working there at the moment."
"Really? I dunno, that sounds kind of..." John bites his lip and stares down at the soggy envelope in his hands. He should really own up to it. He'd never get away with it. But the money he had been given was steadily slipping away and -
"It's up to you. And of course, whether you want to keep your job."
Oh god dammit. John dropped the envelope back into the inky water and watches it sink with a sense of finality. The man beamed at him. "Oh very good!"
He felt a little sick. It was just an envelope. They can always send more. Just paper. The sickness receded a little, but John still felt the little, yawning hole of guilt in his chest. When he looked up again, the man had disappeared.
John ran back. His boss asked if he had managed to deliver it. John nodded.
He rehearsed his story in preparation for having to deal with the accusations. He even went to the city hall so he knew what it looked like. But they never came.
John had got away with it.
(But the next time he looked at his map, there was a new garden in the park that seemingly sprouted from nowhere. Huh.)